This is me.

Slacking...

2010-11-19T11:52:00.000-08:00

Life is getting to me! I am too busy for the things that I really secretly think I need ... but I am so enjoying being in this whirlwind!

~ I am in a Jane Austen class and am reading het 7 published novels in 8 weeks. Yeah. Woah.
~ I am now leading in the women's ministry at church. So fun!
~ I am working my face off.
~ I am sticking to a budget.
~ I am working out and following WW to the t. (except for the chips and queso at lunch today. whoops!)

I am all of these things and more, and I am okay with the thing I am not right now =)

Reassess My Mess!

2010-10-26T07:03:00.000-07:00

It is time to reassess the mess I am making of myself!
I am allowing too much negative and not enough positive into my head. Yes, life is difficult and a struggle. That much is really simple. It is what we do with that struggle that counts.

So for me, I am resisting the urge to climb down into my frustrations, and I am taking this life one morning at a time.

Every morning that I get up and take my pups for a walk is a success.
Every time ( I hate to admit this one) that I make time for really getting READY for work instead of pulling my hair back and fluffing a cardigan in the dryer is a success.
Every afternoon that I actually do my reading for class instead of procrastinating is a success.

resist the negative. embrace the positive.

Fall Swap!

2010-10-21T07:05:00.001-07:00

This was my first ever blog swap, thank you April for hosting! It was funny that I got the hostess as my swap partner! I really enjoyed shopping for her, praying for her as I put things together ... I highly suggest joining swaps when you can. Yes, you have to spend a little money and pay for shipping, but it is so worth it to do something genuine for another person and know you are going to get treats in return!

So on to the LOOT!

It started with opening the box to this note ...

Then opening THE box!

And here are all of my goodies!!

I got ... Yummy caramel scented warmers, peanut butter cookies, delish smelling fig hand soap and lotion, adorable duck tape that is patterned, a PRESH headband and pin set (she MADE!), a too cute handmade fall wreath, and my personal favorite "blessing tin" adorned with our "C" initial. The blessing tin is a family tradition for April's family ... every year they write their blessings at Thanksgiving and put them in the tin. Then the next year they read them and reminisce on the blessings from the past!

It was a blast! I really enjoyed the whole swap and look forward to the next one =)

Family reunion!

2010-10-05T05:58:00.000-07:00

This weekend I had the pleasure of going to a family reunion for my Grandma's family in Oklahoma. We lost my wonderful grandma 12 years ago, and her brothers and sisters still have a small reunion every year. I flew over with my mom and we met my dad there, he was in Tulsa on business. We hopped in a rental car and drover across Oklahoma into Kansas, and it felt like we were journeying back in time.

It is a funny thing to sit on a porch with all of your extended family. Great Aunts who have known you since you were born, second cousins that you remember playing with ... it is all just built on a sting of memories that make you family.

I am so proud to be a part of my family--big or small, crazy or fun. We are the family that is what I am.

HOODIE!!

2010-09-28T05:54:00.000-07:00

I am officially wearing a hoodie this morning and I am THRILLED!!!! YAY for 50 degree mornings! Yay for turning leaves! Yay for waning hot coffee in the mornings! YAY FOR FALL!! This is by far my very favorite season of all.

Speaking of seasons, I am in one. Oh my, am I in one! I am in a season of fighting my self defeating thoughts and behaviors. To be honest, I am losing ... but that does not mean I am not still fighting! I have to remind myself very often that my life right now is a journey, not a moment. I cannot make things happen instantly, but I can soak up the moments that are good and cherish what I have. Like wearing a hoodie on a fall morning =)

SWAP!!

2010-09-24T11:49:00.001-07:00

Come fall swap with me!!!

My beautiful friend April is hosting a fall swap ... a chance to give someone a box of all the fall goodies you love, and get a box in return with all the goodies THEY love!! You know that sounds like too much fun!

So I have already started getting the things for my box ... thinking about what I really love about this season has made me even more excited that it is here!!

30 Days are over!

2010-09-23T05:55:00.000-07:00

Now, THAT was a challenge. And though I missed the mark on blogging/taking pictures of every single event and day ... I really enjoyed my journey to 30. I still am a little surprised to be 30 ... I know it has only been a week, but it seems like I am supposed to feel different. I do not feel more mature, or more grounded; but I am looking every day for wrinkles or some sign of my changing decade!

So now that the birthday has come and gone, I am ready for FALL! READY READY RRRREEAAADYY! I want hot drinks, warm sweaters, chilly nights, bonfires ... I want it all.

My love.

2010-09-02T09:03:00.000-07:00

Today marks four years since I married my best friend.

We have had a lot of action in these 4 years ... the ups have been awesome and the lows have been terrible. The best thing I can say about all we have been through is I would never want to do it with anyone else. you can flip thru the years of this blog and see for your own eyes what we have experienced and come out of ... Learning about support, love, caring ... all of it has been best suited to us. No one ever has to know or understand who we are or what we have been thru ... because when I look into your eyes I know God created you for me and me for you; and not another soul has to understand.

I am thankful for you everyday, my love. My Chad, my Chaddy, Uncle Chad, son Chad, brother-in-law Chad, Chaddy-o ... you wear so many hats and are so many things to so many people, and I am thrilled to be the wifey by your side enjoying the ride.

Here is to the years we have had, and the long years headed our way.

Love <3

Days 11-16

2010-09-02T06:55:00.000-07:00

Day 12 Auntie Kristin took the monkey's for their first time at at frozen yogurt bar! We went to The Skinny Dip, and each made our own yummy froyo cup!

Day 13 There she is. My most adorable birthday girl EVER!! This was right when she woke up, we were eating tiny baby grapes and I popped a hat on her and said SMILE! She is 10 now ... double digits rock =)

And on Day 13, brother had to be as adorable and snuggly wishing sister a happy birthday, too!!

I mean, seriously. Come on. Could I have a more adorable niece and nephew??

I DON'T THINK SO!!

Day 14 I was really sad, I flew home that morning and was missing the kiddos and my bro terribly. Chaddy scooped me up at the airport and took me right to cracker barrel, where we drank coffee and ate yummy breakfast and teared up as we talked about the kids and how much we love them.

Day 15 we grabbed the pups after work and went right to the dog park, a treat for them and for us!

Day 16 Chaddy and I had an after work date and life planning session after work over an iced coffee! I love my husband so much ... he knows just how to make me feel sane.

Days 6-11

2010-09-02T06:23:00.000-07:00

Day 6 Chaddy and I road tripped back to TN, and had some really great talks about life, happiness, and what this big wide worlds means to us. Good stuff.

Day 7 I flipped thru 2 yearbooks from college that an old friend tracked me down and sent to me ... it all started with him wishing me a happy birthday, so I knew when I got them this had to be a day! It is nice as I wind down my 20's to make peace with the past a little, and have love in my heart.

Day 8 Chaddy was out of town, so I met up with a few of my favorite friends for Panera and girl talk. It was awesome to be in their presence, I love living life with people. If you are in the Nashville area and want to hang out with us next time, let me know!! =)

Day 9 was spent on the patio of SatCo (San Antinio Taco Company) with my bffBride, Lisa. We talked wedding, life, marriage, family ... all while inhaling queso and feeling the lovely breeze.

Day 10 I flew to Va Beach, and my brother and I headed out when I got there for a little adult fun that resulted in a pool game! We have not played pool together since we were little kids at out grandparents house, and we laughed SO MUCH!

Day 11 was Kirsten Lorna's birthday party with her friends ... and she was a little excited, ya think?! This was a wonderful experience for me, to be in both places to celebrate with her. She is the love of my niece life ... I hear people say they never knew they could love their babies so much ... that is just how I feel with her and Andrew.

Days 2-5

2010-08-25T09:04:00.000-07:00

So I am going to admit it ... this is HARD to keep up with!!
I think I am doing a slightly better job on facebook, but it is hard!

So here are some pictures, in order ...

Day 2 was another workout success ... I was supposed to go sip wine and paint a beautiful picture with girlfriends, but that did not happen. So, instead, I went home and worked out some frustration on my Wii Fit boxing, and I felt so accomplished and strong!

Day 3 I went to breakfast with my dear friend Erika ... and we talked and loved and giggled .. it was wonderful. And we had delish oatmeal from Bongo!!!

Day 4 was the road trip to Atlanta to see Jack Johnson!!! This was us so excited to go!!

and then this was me when we realized that the thunderstorm was too bad to go ='(

So we redeemed a little on day 5 ... we went to Atlanta's famous Silver Skillet for breakfast ...

and then to IKEAAA!

So that takes us thru day 5 ... Another post to come with the next few days!

I am thinking that this journey is stretching me and teaching me to look for the new and exciting in each and every day!

Day one: Lemons, meet Lemonade!

2010-08-17T11:50:00.000-07:00

Day one is already under way ...

This is the snazzy logo I created for myself for my facebook photo journal album ... I am going to try to get pictures here, too, but cannot be sure so know there will be a mobile upload on facebook!

Today's new thing was because of a total accident. I forgot my staff ID that gets me into the gym at home. So, instead of working out in the air-conditioned gym with my bffbride, Lisa, I had to hit the pavement and walk. In the heat. UGH! Thank goodness for icy cold water refreshment at the end!

So here is my super red not sunburned just sweat hot face. This event gave me a feeling of accomplishment. It would have been a lot easier to sit on my bootay and say I will work out after work knowing I would not really do it.

So day one, I challenged my workout routine and took it up a step with a solo walk around the hood, hoofing it and sweating my face off instead of whimping out.

So day one, lemons met some sugar and made a little lemonade =)

30 days ...

2010-08-17T06:21:00.000-07:00

I have 30 days left. Thirty days until I am 30!
I am not worried, anxious, scared, pitiful, sad, depressed, or any of those "things" people use to describe turning 30. My 20's have been fun, but turbulent. I am ready for my 30's, ready to feel good about my life and what is happening ... feel a little less out of control and a little more grounded.

Plus, being 30 HAS to be better than being 29 and everyone saying, "ohhh ... close to 30 ... how are you feeling about THAT?!" My response: I am feeling fine, thank you!

So I want to end my 20's with a fun filled 30 days of living life. Some days will be a simple something to celebrate, other days are going to be once in a lifetime firsts (like VEGAS!)... so check back often to see what's going on and plan to celebrate with me if you can on the 15th at Taco Mamacita in Nashville!

Comment often and spend these next 30 days smiling and laughing with me =)

A little taste of something good ...

2010-08-10T06:32:00.000-07:00

Chad and I are eating breakfast at the table every morning these days. If anyone had told us a month ago we would be eating plain oatmeal with bananas and vanilla yogurt that we enjoyed we would be totally freaked out... but I digress =)

During this 15 minutes we talk about what is going on in the other person's day today ... what is happening at work, when do you plan to workout, what do you want for dinner, etc. We also read a devotional. It gets a little of the word into our day before anything else can knock it out, and this morning was a really, really good one.

We are both having some professional struggles. Last night I even prayed over us that God would bless our frienemies (friend that is being or has become an enemy!) And this morning, these words were in our devotional for the day (from Genesis, when Joseph was talking to his horrible brothers who had done awful things to him and were now coming to him for forgiveness...)

Am I in the place of God? You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done...

HELLO GOD. This is Kristin here, and you are coming in LOUD AND CLEAR! =)

Eating for Wholeness

2010-08-05T07:28:00.000-07:00

I am on a new mission.
I am eating properly.

Yes, I know, I do not eat poorly and I am a self admitted foodie. Following Weight Watchers is a wonderful way to keep track of what goes into my mouth and helps me to loose weight, but I have taken this to a new level. I am eating GOOD food. No processed, manufactured, flavored artificially jargon for me anymore. For almost two weeks Chad and I have been on an eating kick that has topped anything we can imagine. We are eating delicious amazing foods that are nutritious and home-made ... and we are loving it. The TV stays off, we go for hikes and cook and enjoy each other and our life.

We spend so much time looking at the future and what we want that we loose sight of today and what we have.

Today I have the option to eat delicious food that I adore, I have the decision to go to the park for a great hike and fresh air, and I have the ability to believe in myself and my life. Tomorrow will happen, next year will be great, but life right this moment is what I want to take a giant bite out of.

Stress

2010-07-29T07:28:00.000-07:00

How do you best deal with stress?
Do you pray?
Eat?
Drink?
Yell?
Internalize?

I do a combination of all the things you can imagine. Work is stressful, life is stressful, school is stressful ... I am wondering as this journey into adult hood continues does it just mean everything is stressful? And can that mean that if everything is stressful, nothing really is because we do not know what REAL stress is like?

I am starting to think that what I identify as stressful is actually just reality. I have had a few things in the past years that were life altering stressful, and I no longer want to use that word to identify how I feel about work or staying up late to read for class. I am stressed because I choose to be. I choose to do all that I do.

Thoughts??

Sianoria July!

2010-07-27T06:05:00.001-07:00

July has been good!

Hectic, but good. I am secretly excited to see it end, and sort of sad to see it go.
We long-weekend-vacationed in VA beach with the fam, I had my wisdom teeth removed, work was crazy, life was good, and the world kept on spinning! The summer semester of classes is ending for me in a few days, that is a huge relief ... and in the next 6 weeks we plan to visit 5 states and take lots of weekends away!

I have recovered from the oral surgery nicely and am back on eating healthy and moving my body ... I am trying to remember that this is a journey not a battle. I know what is before me, I know what I need to do. And the longer I do not do it, the longer it will be until I am where i want to be. Pretty simple, really!

What are you avoiding today that you will regret tomorrow?

One day at a time...

2010-06-29T06:07:00.000-07:00

This is my new motto.

When it comes to any of the things life confronts us with ... only consider one day at a time.
Weight loss? One day at a time so each one can be a success.
Financial maturity? One day at a time to resist temptations.
Stress? One day at a time.
Worry? One day (sometimes one second!) at a time.

Get my thinking? All of our issues can be solved if we break them into pieces instead of biting it all off at once. So, today my goals are to follow my healthy plan and financial plan TODAY. That's it, that is all I have to do. One silly little simple day :)

Working on Working...

2010-06-24T11:17:00.000-07:00

So I have been back in the swing of Weight Watchers this week. Back in the swing of eating right, working out, being healthy ... and sometimes its for the birds, but other times it is empowering and wonderful.

I love swimming. I love feeling weightless, working out hard but not sweating ... never knowing if you are our of breath from your increased heart rate of the fact that you were just holding your breath under water. I love the way time slows for the day, but speed up for the workout. I adore the tingle you get in your legs when you stop for a second, and how when the water is deep and over your head you actually use every muscle just to keep your head above the waterline. I love it all. And I am glad that it is summer and I can remember it!

It must be a pool thing from growing up, but I feel much like the father in Big Fish ... without it I would simply dry out.

Lots!

2010-06-21T05:49:00.000-07:00

There is LOTS happening right now... I know I mentioned it all in my Summer post last week, but man-oh-man! There is something exciting yet overwhelming about having a plate spinning EVERYWHERE! I am learning even more about time management!

Reading for class takes place by and in the pool so I still feel like I have a weekend ...
Work is contained to 2 hour segments on Saturday's and Sunday's ...
Grocery shopping is now a budget-friendly couple exercise in couponing and seeing how much we can save ...

And I am sun kissed and smiling. Take that, poly-cystic-ovaries :D

:)

2010-06-17T05:58:00.000-07:00

Yes, it is a little forced ... but it is what I want.
I want to be :) today.

So instead of being :/, or :?, or :<, I am going to force my little :)

And perhaps make it s :D before the day is over!

From the education bubble ...

2010-06-15T05:41:00.001-07:00

This excerpt is from a book I am reading for class, Telling Secrets by Fredrick Buechner. He is discussing his daughter having an eating disorder that nearly took her life ... and in his story that has nothing to do with me I found words that hit me like a ton of bricks.

"I didn't have either the wisdom or power to make her well. None of us has the power to change other human beings like that, and it would be a terrible power if we did, the power to violate the humanity of others even for their own good. The psychiatrists we consulted told me I couldn't cure her. The best thing I could do for her was to stop trying to do anything. I think in my heart I knew they were right, but it didn't stop the madness of my desperate meddling, it didn't stop the madness of my trying. Everything I could think to do or say only stiffened her resolve to be free from, among other things, me.

If your (loved one) is struggling for life in a raging torrent, you do not save her by jumping into the torrent with her, which leads only to your both drowning together. Instead you keep your feet on the dry bank - you maintain as best you can your own inner peace, the best and strongest of who you are- and from that solid ground reach out a rescuing hand. "Mind your own business" means butt out of other people's lives because in the long run they must live their lives for themselves, but it also means pay mind to your own life, your own health and wholeness, both for your sake and ultimately for the sake of those you love, too. Take care of yourself so you can take care of them. A bleeding heart is of no help to anybody if it bleeds to death."

This is speaking to my very soul at this moment. What do you think?

Learning

2010-06-11T05:57:00.000-07:00

I know I have discussed my walk with faith before and the changes we have expereinced over the past few years ... moving away from a chuch we love and struggling to find a new place to call home.

I recently took the plunge and signed up for a weekly women's group with our new home church. We have been attending for almost a year, and it was simply time to take it to the next level. We are part of the young married couples group ... we go on Sunday's, but it was time for me to deepen my ties.

What is so funny is part of my hesitation was that to be part of a new group I felt like I was cheating on my old one! Beth, Lindsey, Margie, Maci, Kim (just to name a few) are still spinning in my former circle, and it was almost like I had to pop out of that bubble to pop into a new one. What I did not realize was how long I was holding my breath between the two. I really popped out of that former comfortable bubble a year and a half ago, but it took meeting these women at this moment in this place to realize I have been holding my breath all this time.

Thank you so much, Lord, for knowing where we need to be and nudging us there. Thank you for the women around my table, the women filling the room, and the women that have meant so much to me over time. Thank you for the relationships you form and knit us into, giving us these moments now, and the memories that last forever from our past.

Summer ...

2010-06-09T06:10:00.001-07:00

This summer is going to be exciting ... and stressful ... and enjoyable ... and yeah :)

I am taking charge of my job; after the much discussed resignation I have decided the best thing I can do is love on this job to make it my own. So, that is project A.

Project B is the 7 hours of classes I am taking over the summer (all online.) Online classes are fun, but present their own organizational issues, of which I plan to use my new fancy fantastic phone to help me be prepared!

Project C is plenty of pool time to accomplish the above mentioned course work. And friend bonding, that is so important.
Along with friend bonding goes a weekly happy hour somewhere with someone. This week it is the bestie and I at Taco Mamacita riiiiight after work today!

Project D is Chickie Crafts. If you have not gone over there yet, please do. And please comment on stuff, it makes me feel like it is exciting to others that way, hahahahaaa :)
I have been presented with a lot of donations lately, and I know this is really the best kind of start up I could ask for ... donate card, stamp card with great new logo stamp (as soon as it ARRIVES, getting annoyed), card is signed and mailed to a person that may never ever hear of Chickie Crafts, they visit blog, fall in love, pay for cards. Seems reasonable to me :) So if you need a card donation for a worthy cause, let me know! I am in the mood to pay it forward!

So yes, hectic ... but good. Throw in there visits to the puppy park as much as possible and loving on my great husband ... along with a few weekends away and a possible anniversary vacation, and I can so deal with this summer :)

testing!

2010-06-07T19:46:00.003-07:00

just testing blogging from ny new phone! what would happen if I could blog on the go anywhere!!!

A great love

2010-06-07T05:59:00.001-07:00

This was a good weekend, not a lot going on ... but enough to feel busy.
It ended with a late in the day pool session with the hubby, and a good talk about life. You have to make the effort every once in a while to get on the same page with one another. And we have so much going on in life right now we had to take a second and hear each other.

Work changes today. My co-worker and friend Vicki is gone now ... her office is empty until the 21st when my new coworker and hopeful friend starts. So for now it is just me and Joe to face the world of study abroad. A prayer would be appreciated!!

I wish I had something profound to end with ... Something that says "oh, Kristin is doing good and getting things together!" I can say I am okay, and the together will happen :)

Wow.

2010-06-03T06:51:00.001-07:00

Well, Chaddy and I made a very adult decision this week. We essentially got ourselves out of a really bad financing situation with my Focus by "refinancing" with a ... NEW CAR!!!

I am still shocked and super thrilled, it is so much fun!! Yay for the new addition and being a financially responsible grown up!

Weekend.

2010-05-21T11:04:00.000-07:00

This weekend is not going to be "restful..." but it will be fun!

Tomorrow:
Meeting the Bestie at 845 for dunkin drive thru and farmers market ...
then we head to sewing lessons at 10 ...
then back to the chickie crafts room for a day of card making!

Sunday:
Early church ...
Small group ...
Party shopping ...
LOST Finale party at Casa De Clark!

So, yeah ... not a lot of "rest", but a lot of FUN!

What do YOU think is going to happen in the finale?!!!

Slightly better :)

2010-05-20T06:26:00.000-07:00

After some prayer and surrender ... I am breathing today :)

Yesterday afternoon my sweet hubby did a great job of keeping us active and distracted ... we grabbed the pups and headed to the dog park, then had dinner at home followed by our first walk around the neighborhood since the flood. We felt for some reason that life was paused there, and it would be disrespectful to walk our dogs and invade the lives of our neighbors with our happiness and ability to walk our dogs instead of rip out our own sheet rock. Silly human brains ... we think we know things when we don't! It was nice to reconnect with the love we have for our neighborhood, even though walking there will never be the same.

Then, we rode our bikes :) I, at 29 years old, learn how to ride a bike this spring. And I love her. I feel like I am 10 when I run home to get my bike out of the shop and go ride ... wind blowing in my face and learning to turn around, speed up, slow down ... it is so fun. And after the icky day, I needed to be 10 for a while. You gotta admit, Roxie is a pretty sweet ride :)

Not a good day.

2010-05-19T07:52:00.001-07:00

Not a good day yesterday.

A day that was supposed to be exciting and interesting turned into a day of tears, pain, and exhaustion. I am trying so hard to keep it together, but I feel my seams pulling apart.

And though this day was awful, the sun was shining this morning. And I have to keep my eyes open ... I have to let my heart break, and I have to listen.

And remember ... Better is one day in Your court, better is one day in Your house, better is one day in Your court than thousands elsware.

Too bad right now these days are in the elswares. But I know in my broken heart, I will be back in His house soon.

Insanity of Life.

2010-05-12T08:25:00.001-07:00

Well, now I am on the edge of reconsidering my resignation.

Here are the facts.

I did not get the job I applied for at Vandy. I was #2, and I think it would have been easier to have been #324 out of the 325. Runner up SUCKS, no matter how big I smiled and waved as I held my flowers and watched the other applicant get my tiara.
I want a baby. I want to be a stay at home mommy when that time comes, not work so hard for it, let it grow, birth it, and then get 6 weeks at home before I have to hand him or her off to daycare. Um, no. So what do I need to do now? Save the deniro.

I am such a blob of weirdness, can I make this work? Can I be okay here? Can I not? What in the world am I doing, and how do I make this tilt a whirl slow down for a bit?!!!!

Flood 2010

2010-05-10T06:48:00.001-07:00

A few days have passed, and my heart is still broken for my city. I am proud to be a Nashvillian, I am honored to live in one of the harder hit communities of Bellevue ... I am in love with all the emotion and caring that is being expressed ever day.

I am thankful to the shield of protection that was placed around our new home, yet I am working thru the guilt of being a surviving untouched home among such a devastated neighborhood. I am thankful to God for that feeling, though. I see so many people moving on with their lives as if nothing has happened because their drywall is still intact and the roads to their lives are clear ... yet because of our proximity we know how lucky we were.

Please pray for our city, please pray for our neighbors and church family.

Some Changes ...

2010-05-10T06:45:00.001-07:00

Well, friends ... the winds of change are stirring things up for the Little Clarks again :)

I have decided it is time to move on from my job. I am personally unfulfilled, professionally frustrated, and in general irritable. This is not what I want to be doing with my life, and I need to get my bubbles in order to line up to what I do want. I have one very strong possibility to move to another university ... and yes, I have resigned from my job before I have a new one. That in itself should express to you my need to get away from this place :)

We are at an emotional crossroad right now ... things are going to go one way or the other. And we are pleased with either way we end up! Life is good, God is good, and being married to your best friend is good!

So, anyone need any cards?!!

You take the good, you take the bad ...

2010-04-21T15:43:00.000-07:00

I am suffering a bit with the facts of life!

Work is kicking my butt. Nothing new there, but I feel the winds of change stirring up :)

Chaddy has been out of town all week, and when he is gone my life is sooooo different. I sleep icky, am responsible for two crazy pups, and the world just spins a little differently. I am looking forward to seeing his smiling face tomorrow night!

Card orders are rolling in, working overtime, getting to the gym, and trying to stay on track. I think I am keeping it together, or at least I am making it look like I am :)

Scars and Flabby Arms

2010-04-15T11:33:00.000-07:00

Well, I am back from my trip ... and though I did not go off the deep deep end, I did stray. I was up 5 pounds and now back down 3.2 of them ... so all in all I think I gained about 2 pounds.

That, I am okay with.

So yesterday I was back in the gym ... I felt like I was in calorie detox, it seemed like I was hot and sweating corn syrup! Today was equally as tough. And today, I wore a tank top.

Ew.

I was so self conscious of my flabby arms and scars from my recent dermatologist-a-lolical experimentation. I was disgusted with myself.

So, another chapter of the book: No one is as hard on a chubby chick as they are on themselves.

No one noticed my scars, or my flabby arms, or anything else about me. I was on a treadmill, working out with Fergie and Sugarland. NO ONE CARED!!! So I am taking this down in the dumps day and saying you know what?! I got you in the end. Because despite my grumpy mood, flabby arms, tank top, and jagged scars ... I STILL WORKED OUT! I conquered! Take THAT!

Wishing for a good few days ...

2010-04-08T05:35:00.000-07:00

Last weekend was Easter, and it was beautiful.

This weekend is a long family reunion in Virginia Beach with all the people I love. The choices will be mine ... and I have to make them.

My first step will be a trip to the grocery store tomorrow morning for 2 cases of bottled water, fruit, veggies, and yogurt. My second step will be keeping my sweet little iPad ready for tracking what i shove in my pie hole. My third step will be trying to not shove everything I see into said pie hole, and finally my fourth step will be to take steps. As often as I can!

So I face another chubby girl challenge ... travel.

It is challenging to plan to not be an eating, drinking, celebrating machine.

An Authority on the Subject ...

2010-04-01T12:39:00.000-07:00

I have started working out at lunch. Well, I started doing that about 3 weeks ago ... and it has been challenging and awesome. This week, I kicked it up a bit. I added an after work workout. I am sore, tired, and drained a lot ... but I am also empowered, accomplished, and renewed.

I am going to write a book, I think. Seriously. And it is going to be titled:

Being Chubby is NOT As Easy As it Looks.

Every moment of this journey requires courage ... courage to walk into a gym full of thin, fit, beautiful people and feel like the biggest person in the room. Courage to say no to cake at work and risk someone thinking to themselves, "Yup, she's dieting again." Courage to take the steps to be a better version of yourself, feeling judged every single step of the way.

It is, in my authoritative opinion, a self-defeating personality issue ... Chubby people believe they are constantly judged, and that emotion gives us the excuse we need to derail from the plan. I am an authority on this because I have spent my entire life letting this derail me. That and french fries :)

So, I am here to tell you a little secret about Kristin L. Clark. I am on track. I am accomplishing things with every step I take and I will win this battle.

Abnormal-ness.

2010-03-23T05:59:00.000-07:00

This challenge phase has really kept me on my toes, literally and figuratively. Health wise, eating right and working out so much really keeps your mind engaged in what you are doing. I have had a few card orders and wanted to look at some things on sale at Michael's ... and when hubs got home last night we actually WALKED to the shopping center! Being conscious of steps on a pedometer, points earned, all of it. It was a wonderful feeling as we rounded the corner to our own back door, that we had not only given ourselves a great mental breather, but we had helped our lungs, hearts, and bodies.

I am seeing how important de-stressing is.

Yesterday I got a call from the dermatologist's office regarding my recent 12 mole removal. (went on for one, they took 12.) 8 of them came back with "abnormal cell growth," so I go back in Thursday for them to cut deeper (this equals stitches). Someday, I am going to feel like I can endure a medical situation without feeling like there is always something wrong. PCOS makes me feel that way most times, now I can add abnormal cells to that list.

So, yes ... I need to walk, I need to clear my mind, and I need to be in love with all the wonderful aspects of my life!

Working hard!

2010-03-22T13:11:00.000-07:00

I have been working hard all weekend on my new personal endeavor ... Chickie Crafts!

I am hoping, praying, and believing that this is going to be a wonderful outlet of expression. I so love being crafty, but I also love bringing a touch of joy into the bubble of others, and these little projects make my heart smile, I hope they do you, too!

So venture over and take a look, email me if you are interested :)

Personally, I have had a massively successful week! I have kept up with the hard core workouts and eating right, Weight Watchers is working out beautifully. I am enjoying feeling in control and healthy, and the scale is showing it!

My good friend April did a really snazzy thing last week ..,. and "ask anything" post! So here is my go at it, comment asking me any question at all and I will answer. PROMISE!

A little something new to look forward to ...

2010-03-20T10:04:00.000-07:00

So, I am setting up shop.
On Etsy :)

For years I have made cards, and really enjoyed it. I make them as gifts, I have sold them on different online resources and craft events ... and now I have decided to do it for reals!

So, I will post some pictures soon of the cards and my new craft room. I am so thrilled to come home from a long day of work and head to my new beautiful oasis to work on something I love ... I sure hope it takes off! You guys will have to be my first audience, I hope to have the shop up and going by mid week.

And of course, needless to say, as my test group you will get cards for a great deal :) Never forget the power of the written word!

3 weeks in!

2010-03-19T06:46:00.000-07:00

I am three weeks into the challenge ... and I have added a few items of importance.

I was trying to decide ... do I hope for 22 pounds lost, 22 workouts ... how do I get weight loss into this challenge.

So, I have teamed up with my bffbride, Lisa, to do a 6 week high intensity work-out plan. We both re-joined Weight Watchers, and we are 2 weeks into the first 6 week set.

We are staying 100% on point food wise, and have the following workout system going:

M-T-W: 40 min in gym during lunch (20 min elliptical, 10 min on ball, 10 min on TM)

T: Yoga class after work

and then 1 additional workout at home over the weekend.

Last week I lost 4.2 pounds, this week was only .2, but I am still thrilled. In the course of 2 weeks, 4.4 pounds is pretty awesome!

So, I am trying my very best to stay motivated and be in control of all this, I feel like this challenge has me "budgeting" everything ... budget money, budget points, budget time, budget food ... it's a lot to handle. But I know I am strong enough for it :)

Foods with Wholes

2010-03-06T11:05:00.000-08:00

One item on my agenda for week 2 of the 22 weeks challenge is to look more acutely at what we are putting into our bodies. I have been a healthy eater for years, but because of my PCOS I struggle with actually losing weight. My body is so used to healthy eating that it does not create quite the same reaction as it does in normal overweight people to just eat right. So, I am taking it to the next step. I am planning to being a 75% Organic diet. I say 75% not 100% because part of our challenge is to focus on budget, and I have to make sure we eat what we have in the cupboards along with the new foodies coming in.

So, we are about to make our first Organic shopping trip, and I have to tell you I am so excited. I want to feel some new benefits of being concious of my PCOS, and I want to feel renewed in my walk.

Awesome night!!

2010-03-03T06:37:00.000-08:00

Had a fun, fun, fun night with Sean in town last night! Had a big group meet up at Mafiaoza's and have pizza and beverages, it was really fun. Thanks to Lisa, Scott, Erika, Rachel & Paul, Chaddy, Vicki, and Joe for making my fam feel so welcome :) He is here until Friday morning, and I am soaking up every second I can!

Oh, and btw... go visit my friend Jessi at her blog. She is in the hospital on bed rest ... she has been there for almost 2 weeks and has a few to go. She is an infertility/PCOS success story, and I am so looking forward to going to see her and little Zoey for some board games next week. She is already an awesome little mommy, and I would love it if you would stop by and leave her a comment of encouragement!

Thanks!

xxooxo

22 Weeks ...

2010-03-01T16:31:00.000-08:00

So we did a little budgeting this weekend and discovered something glorious ...
In just 22 weeks, we *could* be debt free! We just got our tax credit from buying the house (thank you, mr & mrs government ...) and paid of 4 count 'em 4 major debts! We are down to 2 that in total are under $4,000 ... so we are going to do it. Slow and stead wins the race we are going to accomplish being debt free in 22 weeks while still saving our fannies off!

So, hence the 22 week challenge. I want to take this snapshot of time to set some goals and be focused. "Baby" will become sort of a 4 letter word during this time ... I am going to step away from my uterus and think about my life. Right over there on the side, you can see a start of a running list of things I want to happen before July 30th ... I will tick them off in pink as we go!

So who else is up for a little challenge?!!

Well my goodness!

2010-02-25T06:14:00.000-08:00

I was a GRUMP yesterday!

Just generally sad, sensitive, and mopey!

Why, you ask? I have no idea! It just snuck up on me and held on all day. Ended in me blubber crying to the hubby when he got home, and then I was sort of okay. I feel it creeping up on me today, too. But I am resisting!

Yesterday when I got home, the pups had been busted out of their bathroom by the kitties (yes, take a second to imagine that!) and the house was destroyed. I was so upset, but as I picked it all up I decided I would still take them for their reward long long walk.

As I put on my shoes they watched me, thinking is she really taking us?! We headed out, and as I watched their little butts in front of me I thought to myself, I am glad I did this. I want to give them positive consistency and reinforcement even when they are bad. It was like God was right there in that very second talking to me ... and what He had to say I had read many times before, but looking at their swishing happy bottoms and my love for them it hit me all different ...

Love is patient, love is kind.It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Just like watching me throw pillows around the room, poo on the floor, and chase kitties ... God says to me come on, Kristin. Let's go for a walk. I am not angry that you disobeyed me ... I would rather show you I love you anyway and you mean the world to me. So, I walk along in front of Him thinking I know the way to go better than He does ... all the time thinking in the back of my head He really does not have to take me on this walk, I do not really deserve it.

Life

2010-02-23T05:53:00.000-08:00

So, I have a secret.

My brother is back in my life, and it is beautifully wonderful.

I could go into a long sob story type of explanation about what happened over the past few years that led to separation, but I would rather talk about the joy I have had in the past 3 months. It shocks me to say that my brother is one of my very best friends in this life now, he is a person I text with daily ... we share the good and bad moments of our lives, and we know we are there for each other. Add to that the 2 loves of my life, my monkeys. Sean tells me I was born to be an aunt, and the pure beings they are have become like sand filling the crevices of my broken heart, helping me to cope with my infertility. And showing me how to be a better person.

Recently a friend in our circle experienced a great loss, and it has devastated me on a lot of levels. We all talk about how fragile life is, how fleeting, how we never know how much time we have ... but the loss of a young, beautiful, vibrant person really brings that into perspective. It brings it into overwhelming clarity.

Reminds me to live these moments for what they are, enjoy my life ... kiss my husband, be silly, stop worrying, and be fearless of the things in this world. I love my life even with it's up's and down's ... because it is just the life God created for me to experience.

Up and Down ... Up and Down ...

2010-01-28T07:55:00.000-08:00

So that is, of course, the story of life. There are ups, there are downs. There are highs, there are lows. I find in the season of my life, I slip between the two seamlessly, one to the other.

I am enjoying my world, but it is full of challenges. It seems when I am feeling like all of my eggs are in a basket, I drop them all and go running around after them! I have dropped my eggs over my eggs again ... the depression of infertility is creeping up on me again. I recently borrowed a perfect book for myself from the library ...

Minus the Brenda and Janine part, yeah. So I am excited about reading and feeling a little less insane, I think it is time I stop trying to hide these feelings from myself and just deal with it. I need to, in order to have an open and grateful heart full of joy instead of trying to find happiness based on my circumstances.

⁹And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, ¹⁰so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, ¹¹filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God. (Philippans 1:9-11)

I am a LOSER!

2010-01-19T17:37:00.000-08:00

Well, folks, 18 days into the new year and I am down 4.8 pounds! I am a happy camper. And for once, I know I am doing it 100% the way I should. I have never in my LIFE eaten so many bowls of veggie soup and sipped so many fruit smoothies, but it is paying off and I am thrilled.

Thanks to my awesome friend April, I have started using Spark People, an AWESOME health tracking website that is super east to use. I am in love! go check it out!

Well, it is Biggest Loser night, so that means I hit the Wii Fit and do some freestyle stepping ... 200 calories are OUTTA HERE!

Best Smoothie EVER!!

2010-01-13T05:53:00.000-08:00

Okay, so we all know smoothies are hidden cest pools of calories, sugar, and fat. How Jamba Juice and Smoothie King get os much junk in their smoothies I will never know!

So in light of that fact, I like to make smoothies at home. With NOTHING in them but things I would eat. To me, if I would have eaten it in it's whole form as a snack, whipping it up to drink is the same thing!

You just have to follow one simple rule:

THE WHOLE THING. If you want orange juice, peal and add the orange pieces whole. Strawberry flavor? Whole strawberries! One "thing" should be frozen so you do not have to add ice and it gets all fruity yummy.

So here is my new favorite creation:

Good Morning Smoothie!

1/2 of a pealed and seeded grapefruit in segments

1/2 of a pealed and seeded orange in segments

5-10 strawberries, tops removed, cut in half

1/2-1 cup frozen mango (or any frozen fruit!)

1 packet of splenda

1/4-1/2 cup orange juice

Dump it all in the blender and go! Ohmigosh, you guys are going to LOVE IT! It is only 149 calories and you still have all the fibery goodness of the whole fruits. Try it and let me know what you think!

Hola!

2010-01-12T05:58:00.000-08:00

Not a lot new to report ... I did loose 1.4 pounds this week! I think it is not quite accurate, we bought a new scale in the middle of the week, but I am going with that one for accuracy. So, I am going to keep on keeping on!!

What is your motivation on January 12th? We have been on the doing this super healthy thing for like 10 days now ... how are you feeling??!

Hello, 2010!

2010-01-05T18:27:00.001-08:00

So, I have been quiet. And reflective. And intrigued by this life I am living. I am at that what is my point, my purpose, my desires ... and I have come to some good decisions.

We are giving the baby world a little break. A little longer than that 3 months we have already taken, mainly because that was not a really break it was more hey it might happen! So we are taking a longer breather, and when we go at it again we are going to keep it private. I feel that my transparency with this helped my make some amazing friends ... but it also made our inability to get pregnant feel like a failure. So, yeah ... that is where we are on that one :)
I am back on the healthy living plan. Stepping away from weight watchers, moving toward eating whole healthy foods, exercising, and just being conscious of my life and how I am living it. In light of this, I want to use this blog as a bit of a blog-u-mentry of my road.

So, to sum it up ... I love my husband, I love my life, I love my world, and I want to spend some time loving on my body. and being proud of my successes instead of feeling like a failure.

Hmmmm...

2009-10-30T06:01:00.000-07:00

My heart is currently being driven in different directions than I thought.

I do not want to go into a lot of personal detail (perhaps in the future), but Chad and I have experienced a bit of a family crisis this week. And I have reacted quite differently.

Usually my buttons are easily pushed, I get angry, blah blah blah. I told Chad, the past 7 months of my life have changed me. Infertility has changed me. Buying a house has changed me. My new job has changed me. Some is good, some is bad ... but I have changed. I am handling myself and my life differently, and I am proud of my reactions.

I want to act in love, walk in grace, give peace, and be a constant in peoples lives. I want to be there, be available, and be present in my own world. I want to have something in my smile or in my hug that sends out love... I want to be something.

A good weekend.

2009-10-26T05:38:00.000-07:00

So, my weekend started with staying home Thursday and Friday with a sick husband and a stomach bug. Thank goodness we did not swap our sickness, and we were good for at least part of the weekend!

Being locked in the house really was probably a good thing, I am a huge do-not-spread-your-germs person ... so I had to miss work and a baby shower for a beautiful friend ... but I could simply not risk getting her sick!

So, in between rests I pulled out my new to my sewing machine and taught myself some great stuff; I made new pillows for the living room out of curtains that did not work ... and new throw pillows for the guest bed.

Then, we went to an amazing small group and church on Sunday, and I found a lot of joy and peace. Then, I found a new obsession at Michaels. I am now making jewelry. And I am IN LOVE! It was the perfect craft to add to my world. I am a-okay with being a crafty girl!!

What a difference a day makes!

2009-10-21T06:34:00.000-07:00

Am I feeling better? Yes. Do I want to delete the below post and forget I ever felt that way? Yes. But, I have to remind myself there might just be someone out there some day that will happen upon that in a google search and need it. So, I will leave it.

BUT ... I am feeling much much better today. I talked to some good friends yesterday, I prayed, I focused ... and I remember that I am the only one in control of my happiness. God wants me to be happy, my hubby wants me to be happy, and if I resist them I am the one that suffers!

So today, I commit (or re-commit!) myself to what really matters in my life and try to let go of all that junk that is out of my control. A smile on my face and love in my heart is controllable by me. so thats the plan, man :)

The Waves of Infertility.

2009-10-20T08:12:00.000-07:00

I am in a wave today. A wash out, drug deep inside, wave of emotion filled water that is pulling me to the core of infertility.

It seems that the wooshing water sneaks up out of no where and knocks me down, and then it is gone before I can even recognize what happened. Leaving me feeling wet from tears, cold, and disoriented laying on the ground not knowing just what triggered this happening again.

I want to enjoy that we are taking a break, I want to feel like I do not have to carry this weight around with me all the time, but i do ... it is here like it or not, And I constantly feel those that love me saying, "You are taking a break! Enjoy it! Relax!"

When will people understand?

This is my job and a woman! My stupid body is broken! I cannot forget the past 7 months! I cannot help but fear what is going to happen when this break is over! I cannot forget that everyone around me is just where I want to be! I know I have amazing things to love in this life right now, I know I am happy about them, but that does not make the pain of this vanish! It makes it appear that I should and could let it go and be okay, when I can't.

So, I vent. In a blog, hoping no one will read it. Or hoping that the people out there that know just what I am saying will find a little comfort in knowing they are not the only one. And I need that comfort, too.

Okay, the truth.

2009-10-09T05:46:00.000-07:00

Here it is. We still took the Clomid this month.

In a hope to stay on schedule more than hope that it would work.

And it did not work.

So we are officially on break as of today until January. I can almost feel that my ovaries need a breather! 7 months of medications and emotions leads to soreness! So that is where I am with that. (sad? yes. irritated? check. anything I can do about it? nope.)

WE MOVE INTO THE HOUSE TOMORROW!!!! So excited :) Pictures soon, promise!!

What a weekend.

2009-09-21T05:44:00.000-07:00

I mean, best ever. Really.

I am not even sad to be back at work today. I realize it is Monday, but this weekend was so restful and relaxing, I am okay with it.

We ate (thanks for the CitiPass, Lisa! Best coupon book EVA!), we played, we dreamed.

I am so thankful to finally feel 100% about our spiritual life, too. Hope Park is quickly becoming home ... this will be our 6th week there and we are feeling so great about it. I love it!

Speaking of home ... our home looks CRAZY right now! Instead of trying to repair the upstairs porch off the master bedroom (or as I called it, the veranda!) They completely tore it down and are rebuilding it from scratch! It is crazy to see that just days before we are closing ... but yay!! So our current hopeful closing day has pushed from the 25th to the 30th. Oh well :)

I know what I'm doing.

2009-09-17T05:53:00.000-07:00

^0-11This is God's Word on the subject: "As soon as Babylon's seventy years are up and not a day before, I'll show up and take care of you as I promised and bring you back home. I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.¹²"When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I'll listen. ^13-14"When you come looking for me, you'll find me. "Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I'll make sure you won't be disappointed." God's Decree. "I'll turn things around for you. I'll bring you back from all the countries into which I drove you"—God's Decree—"bring you home to the place from which I sent you off into exile. You can count on it.

Let this sink in today ...

I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out -- plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plants to give you the future you hope for. When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I'll listen. When you come looking for me, you'll find me. Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I'll make sure you won't be disappointed.

Am I believing today? Am I buying in? Am I getting serious? I sure am trying.

Happy birthday to me!

2009-09-15T05:48:00.001-07:00

Well, it is here!

The dreaded 29th birthday. I am 29. I am now 364 days from 30.

WOW.

I am fighting the temptation to say, "I wanted X, Y, and Z to have happened in my life by now!" Instead, I am looking at all I do have, and reveling in it. Wow, when I really think about it, LIFE IS GOOD!

So 29, watch the heck out, I am making the most out of your 365 days!!!

happy 9.9.09!

2009-09-09T05:49:00.000-07:00

Here are a list of 9 things I am happy about on this day, 9.9.2009.

I challenge each of you to try this out on your blogs today ... think of 9 things that despite your circumstances are good right this moment.

1) There are only 16 days left until we get the keys to our new home!

2) My husband is the greatest guy :)

3) I have a fantastic God who loves and protects me always.

4) I am learning so much about myself and my life right now, and it's grand!

5) Fall is on the way ... so soon!

6) I am learning.

7) My new job is going well!

8) Our new puppy Jake is settling in.

9) My life. Good or bad days aside, I have it pretttttttty good!

Life

2009-09-08T05:53:00.000-07:00

You know, I realize that in bad situations, people are quick to say, "Things will get better ... life will go on." And I think that is actually true.

We are still sad and heartbroken over our current baby-making-sit-u-ation ... but our life is going on. We just had our 3 year anniversary (love you, babe!), one week form today is my birthday, and two weeks from Friday we close on our house!!

Life is continuing, and I am letting my struggle take a back seat to the rest of it right now. Happiness, true happiness, is sometimes separated by a lot of poo-filled life ... and today I want to dive into the happiness and snuggle in.

What is happening in your life right now that makes you happy? What can you focus on instead of the storm?

"I can see the light, that is coming ... for the heart that holds on."

Not amazing.

2009-09-01T11:57:00.000-07:00

Well, despite all of the up's, the positive ovulation test ... it was a no go again this month. My P4 was an 11.5, Dr. wants a 15 ... and today I got my 2nd BFN.

So thank you round 4 of clomid, our time together is over.

I cannot believe we have been doing this for 6 months now. I KNEW I would be knocked up by now ... I knew it. And here I sit, 6 months later ... and it's time to move on.

Dr. H. thinks it's time for injections. Not exciting.

I know this is stupid, but I feel like every time I get this news I loose a baby. A baby that I was beginning to become convinced was in there, was waiting to surprise us with 2 little pink lines. And every month, I have to pick myself up and move on, leaving the dream of that little bean behind.

It feels lonely. Very lonely.

So we decided today that September is a month full of really really exciting things ... we are closing on our first house this month, my birthday is this month, our 3 year anniversary is this month ... so we decided to take the month off. Chad needs a break, I need a break, and my poor ovaries definitely need a break.

Sigh.

I feel so bad!

2009-08-18T18:22:00.000-07:00

I have been neglecting my blogging responsibility!
On the TTC front ... today is day 14 for me. Things are going well, not temping has been hard but I am making it. I can tell I am HOT HOT HOT all the time, and I have been feeling a lot from lefty-ovie. She is telling me something is going on :)
We are so hopeful for this round. We both feel really good about it.

Still lovin' on my cysters ... like Jess ( http://jessiwallace.blogspot.com/ ) keep up with her :)

In life, I started a new position Monday, it is going good ...
MADE AN OFFER ON A HOUSE! Yippee! Had the inspection today, they have some work to do and we have some praying to do so it all works out!!

Still waiting ...

2009-08-03T09:23:00.000-07:00

Day one has STILL not come around. Usually the Provera does it pretty quickly for me ... but not this time. Tomorrow will be a week since my last pills. UGH.

We are trying really hard right now to focus on other things than baby baby baby. It is hard with all the baby influences around me, but I have to think about how special my time is going to be when it finally gets here. And it will eventually get here. right?!

A vacation from it all ...

2009-07-27T06:38:00.000-07:00

I am on VACATION!

Hubby brought me with him for a business trip to Charlotte, NC and we have had a GREAT weekend. Now he is at the office, and I have a beautiful day ahead of me to do whatever I want! Then tonight we go out. It is pretty amazing!

As for my baby emotions right now ... well I am in an okay place. I am ( as odd as this sounds) trying to enjoy not being pregnant. I am drinking plenty of wine (haha!) and reveling in the fact that I dropped everything and took 4 vacation days just because I could. I was able to buy whatever I wanted in IKEA yesterday, and had fun money to do it with. I am going to get preggo, I just have to give it a little time.

I am not planning on blogging unless its comes to me this week, so I am thankful for breaks from life :)

Got the call ...

2009-07-24T10:45:00.000-07:00

Blood work is back, no preggo eggo's here.
I will pick up my provera this afternoon, and of we go.

I am not sad about it right now, I have given cycle 3 enough of my tears. Now I need to move faithfully into round 4, prepared and better knowledged. Mary Beth (my nurse and now personal friend!) made a great point ... on cycle 2 when I had a good p4 number ( from a 1 to a 12.5) was a cycle after provera. So maybe there is a correlation! We will see!

Today I am thankful for vacation!!! Today when I leave work we are in vacation mode! I plan to sleep, eat, drink lots of iced coffee ... have a cocktail (one benefit of a BFN!) and SHOP! Ikea, tons of yarn stores ... ahhhhh ... :)

Not good today.

2009-07-23T09:11:00.000-07:00

So my update ...
I called the nurse to let her know I still had not started ... she wanted me to test again and call her.
I went through the painful motions of testing again. NEGATIVE.
Called this morning. She wanted me to come right over and they tested again. NEGATIVE. Took blood. Get results tomorrow.

I am beyond beat and devastated.

I forgot to mention about the below BFN ...

2009-07-21T08:33:00.000-07:00

That we went to Walgreen's to buy the test, and got what was on sale (it adds up!)

I COULD NOT TINKLE. When I finally did, Chad was out walking Abbie. I saw the test start, and one blue line appeared ... then ... another blue line! I started to scream and run for the door ... it was the best feeling ever ... and on the way out the door the box caught my eye.

I needed a blue line and a PLUS SIGN, not a second line. It was negative.

And that, my friends, was horrible!

Big fat negative.

2009-07-21T06:01:00.000-07:00

Last night, we broke down and tested. It was day 27, things would have happened ... and it was a no.

Sad? Yes. Devastated? Nah. We have a plan. God has a plan.

I am, however, frustrated ... now I just need day one to get here so we can try this again!

Lindsey and Jeremy find out today what their little bambino is! I am excited to hear the news!!! I know she is DYING ... the appointment should have just started :)

Today, I am thankful for family. Last night I talked to my mother in law for the first time in over 2 years. It was great. I sent her a letter, she responded with a call the same day. It was really really good. A wound we have been carrying for a long time is beginning to heal. And then I wonder if God can fix all this ... :)

Great weekend!

2009-07-20T12:16:00.001-07:00

It was a beautiful weekend here in Nashville! Hubby and I spent it doing all the little things we love, and it was great.
I am so in love with him :)

So t minus 4 days until we leave for VACATION!!! I cannot WAIT. Good times, headed this way!

So, I got the call.

2009-07-17T12:06:00.000-07:00

Okay, it was not bad, but not good.
She said we may have just tested a touch too early, but that the p4 was in fact .9. Last month it was a 12.5 :(
So she cannot rule out that we o-ed, now we really just have to wait and see if AF comes around on Tuesday.
I thought blood work and testing was supposed to give some answers and make these things EASIER TO UNDERSTAND. UGH.

Thank goodness that I got my thankful post out earlier today, right now I am not feeling it!

I just want to not feel broken, even if only for one day.

No real news ...

2009-07-17T11:12:00.000-07:00

Well, some news but not too exciting!
The nurse called me at about 6pm last night and said, "You did ovulate!"
But the numbers she gave me seemed wrong ... and then she said she was going to the a Dr review it today since my Dr. is on vacation.
So I wait for the follow up call!

I am good today, though. I am going to just stick it out, no worries.

Today, I am thankful for sunshine. I am so looking forward to this uncharastically mild weekend in the middle of the Nashville summer ... 80 and sunshine! We are having a community yard sale tomorrow, so I am hoping for some cash for the spur of the moment vacay :)

The waiting game ...

2009-07-16T08:59:00.000-07:00

This morning Hubby woke up saying "this is it, we will know the results today!" I was sipping my coffee, and I said, "eh ... you are right."
The motivation has switched!
So today we will know if this cycle improved, declined, or stayed the same. It will be really nice to know. I popped the thermometer in my mouth this morning out of habit, and when it beeped found myself instantly disappointed again. Stupid world of measurement. (Life of Possibility, great book.) I want to live a life where anything and everything is possible, not measured and weighed! GAH!

Today I am thankful for Covey and his 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. I have not read it (it is on my small 3 week summer break reading list) There was a presentation in my night class this week about it, and #1 is being proactive. I must be proactive in my life if I want to feel like I am headed in the right direction. That simple statement has rearranged a lot of things in my world, and I am enjoying being proactive in the success of my own life!

Blood work, CHECK!

2009-07-15T08:24:00.000-07:00

So I have my big cotton ball and tape band-aid on ... month 3 blood draw is done!
It was interesting to not be excited this time. I think the "fun" has oficially worn off ... you can only hear not great news afterwards a couple of times before you kind of expect it.

We went to breakfast afterwards and decided that if this month has been a bust, we are going to continue with some slight adjustments. No more temperature checking, no more day obsessing, no more "personal time" stress (read into that what you wish ...) We want to put a little bit of mystery back into this show. It seems that when you are watching for your temperature to climb, you sort of forget that God is working and your body is working. In that regard, we want to throttle back on the share festival we have been having. It is great to have support, and there are a few people that will continue to give that to us. But as for the world knowing when the lining of my uterus might be thickening and when we, well, you know ... yeah, I think it's time to add back a little mystery there, too. :)

My item of thankfulness today ...
Today I am very thankful for my job. This is a double one. Because of my job, I am able to attend classes for free. Though there are days I want to run from here screaming, I am benefiting greatly from my awesome position. Thank you God, for such a good place to be. Help me to remember that there is purpose in everything.

My prayer focus today ...
Is for strength to handle all of this, and everything else happening in my life!

Feeling a little better today.

2009-07-14T07:04:00.000-07:00

A little.
Not a lot.
A little.

A night at home with my hubby really paid off, and we decided to plan a spur of the moment vacation :) Charlotte, NC here we come! ( He has a business trip coming up, and I have the vacation time so we are going to make the best of it!)

So I want to try something new. Each time I blog, I am going to say something that I am happy about, and that makes me smile. I do not always want to be a Debbie-Downer, after all :)

Today, I am thankful for my husband. God gave me an amazing gift in this man, and it has been a true pleasure to watch him grow from the 21 year old guy I dated to the 27 year old strong professional man of God. I am more in love with him as the moments of our life go by ... and I am eternally thankful for having my best friend as my partner in life.

Um, yeah.

2009-07-13T06:58:00.000-07:00

I think I need a break from life.
This morning, my temperature dipped. I needed it to go up one more day before I could confirm I ovulated on Friday. I know this is a tiny little detail that seems irrelevant ... but it's not. And it is especially not to me right now.
So I am kind of disgusted and distressed ... lots of tears and lots of "whys."
I think, for now, that I am going to throttle back on the sharing for a while. This could very well change tomorrow, but today I feel like my misery is so exposed and out there ... and my nature (as some of you well know) is to slap on a smile and things are okay. When people know so much, I cannot hide it. Is it healthy? Probably not. But 28 years of it kind of makes it habit.

So this is me, signing off and praying for better moments to come soon. I realize that there is a God in charge of this that is a lot bigger than my thermometer. I need to lean into that right now. Love.

A Hair Affair.

2009-07-10T13:56:00.000-07:00

It was time.
I am in love.
And I am ovulating :)

And after ... remarkably in the SAME CARDIGAN!

Day 15!

2009-07-08T07:13:00.000-07:00

Well, things are still happening here in baby-hoping-land!
We are on day 15 ... last month I ovulated on day 17 so we are in the correct window. Only the next few days will tell, I had a good temp drop this morning so if it starts to climb we are looking good :)

I jokingly told Chad last night that this will be the cycle since I am starting to get scared about getting preggo! I am still super excited, but the reality of being on month 3 of trying is setting in. This has by far been the hardest, but I am making it.

As everyone says, we are at the "fun part" phase right now ... so we will see how the next few days go!!!

Cycle Day 7 ...

2009-06-30T13:00:00.000-07:00

Today is the last dose of Clomid for this cycle! I am really excited. Going all the way up to 150 has caused some unknown side effects to get much worse ... here they are:

HOT FLASHES: I have been having these, but now they seem SERIOUS. Like my skin is on fire.
SLEEP: I take the pills, I pass out within 20 minutes. Then I am restless all night.
TUMMY ACHE: My tummy has not felt good AT ALL. Very nauseated. Ugh.

So, I am glad we are nearing the end of this round. I am praying for and believing that this is the one, this is it. Now the fun part begins :)

the ups and downs of it all!

2009-06-24T05:54:00.000-07:00

I am finding sharing all of this on my blog difficult! I know that I should feel like it is an outlet ... and it is ... but it is still a challenge to share.

So we had our blood work on day 23, and it showed a massive increase in my progesterone levels. On a scale of about 1-25, I went from a 1 month one to a 12.5 month two! The dr. wanted it to be a 15 or higher, so we spent a week praying that if there was a little bean it was strong and was getting all it needed. On Monday night and Tuesday morning we got 2 negative tests, and I kind of started cycle 3 today.

So that is the story! No baby month. BUT, the Dr. is upping our clomid to 150 this cycle. He is very confident and feels that this is it. The huge change from 50 to 100 will only be better going to 150.

Believe it or not, I am smiling through all of this. I feel so energized and excited for this next try ... and I have learned so much already.

A paper

2009-06-14T13:46:00.000-07:00

I just had to write a paper in response to "Why here? Why now?" for a class I am taking this summer. I am pretty proud of it, so I decided to post it here. hope you enjoy and can see a little of the mommy-want-to -be-currently-twenty-something-confused-chick in yourself :)

Right out of high school, I entered the community college scene. At first irritated and hesitant to be there since all of my other friends moved away from school, I resented being younger than everyone with over protective parents! Just one semester in, I was a part of the newspaper that I later became editor of, I was student body secretary, and I was living the moments I dreamed of. When the degree was achieved I chose to take a semester off, leading to my current status of a career minded individual with an Associate’s Degree. I have felt for many years that I missed out on something; my sense of accomplishment has dwindled from its prior hay day in college and I am here feeling dissatisfied with my outcome. So for me my story is simply this is where I am choosing to take control, and begin again.

When I was interviewed here at Belmont University, I had no idea that I could continue my education here for free as a benefit of my employment. That pretty much answered the “Why here?”! As a newlywed whose husband has just entered his dream job, there was not a lot of opportunity to take off and go to school, or the funds to do so. When I realized that I would be able to have a great job and complete my education, I was amazed and unexplainably grateful. I instantly began planning and dreaming, and here I am in the classrooms with 31 hours left to accomplish a goal that began in 1998.

Some say, “There is no time like the present,” I say there never was a time like the present. I am living a life of my dreams, and these are the moments that I make the choices that lead me back to that feeling of accomplishment. I have a plan for my life now that I never knew could exist. I have not only professional goals, but personal goals that are giving each moment of my life more purpose and drive. It seems like God flipped a switch inside my being, and I went from living my life to yearning for more, and desiring peace and joy in each moment of my day. I am no longer afraid of success, I am no longer afraid to be who I am. I am an over achiever, I am a success driven person, and I like the rush of knowing I am living up to my potential! As I see it, these are the days that will matter to me later, and I want to make my future self proud.

Ten years from now will come. There is nothing that will stop time, I will be 38. When I am there, and the house has been purchased or not, the fertility battle lost or won, my life will have changed. And right now, I have the ability to give a gift to that 38 year old me that the 18 year old version of myself did not know how to give. I want her to never feel less than someone based on their education level, and I want her to have the ability to have a fulfilling career that she desires. The things that stand in my way right now will not stand in hers, though she will have her own struggles. I can only dream and hope that these moments and these decisions give me, and her, a little joy.

A REALLY exciting moment!!!

2009-06-12T05:59:00.000-07:00

Well, there is it!!! For the first time ever, I have the red cross bars on my chart! This means, that according to my charting, I OVULATED ON TUESDAY!!!

Now, I am reserved in my excitement ... we have blood work on Monday morning and will know for sure Tuesday. Just the fact that my body might actually be doing it, wow.

So please say a little prayer for this maybe egg! And for me to be at peace until Tuesday afternoon when we know for sure!!!

Day 19

2009-06-11T11:52:00.000-07:00

And things are looking pretty good ...
I am so nervous about what might be signs that I do not even want to talk about it! HA!
So if you could, please just say a little prayer for all the maybe-es.

Fighting disapointment ...

2009-06-08T06:31:00.001-07:00

I am fighting it!
FIGHTING!
So this was the scheduled weekend ... and things went really well. My temps were up, my hopes were up, my smile was big ... and this morning I see a drop in temp. I realize that this is not a deal breaker, but I was so looking forward to the storybook chart this month, just clear and total answers.
But I am realizing something. Our message yesterday at church was so clear and spoke right to my heart. Referring to Luke 7 and the raising of a dead boy, Jesus walked into a small town with a group of people anticipating His next great move. He met a group of people in a funeral procession, all full of doubt, pain, and sorrow. He told the mother, "Do not cry." and then raised to boy to life. Pastor Dale's amazing point was whichever group we are in, God is still going to perform miracles. Are we anticipating them, or are we letting the sorrow of life take us over? Will we expect the miracle, or be surprised by it?
He ended with a reference to his mother's cooking on Sunday's when he was growing up. No matter how much they had all eaten, when she brought out little desert plates they made room! He said Jesus is sometimes talking to us just like that ...
"Please believe in me, please give me your trust ... you never know what sweeter thing I have right around the corner for you."

So now, I must stop looking for worldly confirmation that this is working. I need to remember that my God loves me, and He is waiting for me to realize that I have something to look forward to, not worry about. A sweet little miracle is waiting for me around the corner.

The week of all weeks ...

2009-06-05T11:20:00.000-07:00

Well, this is the one! This is the week we have been working towards, and it is going well!
Tomorrow (Sat.) is our projected ovulation day, I have learned a lot about the basal body temp-ing and what it all means, so if we do in fact ovulate tomorrow my temp will rise and hold steady for at least 3 days. If we are preggo, it will stay on the high side.
So here is hoping for a high reading Sunday morning!
I am so much more at peace with the process this go around, I am not nearly as stressed or obsessed. I am thinking that is only going to help me. The Lord is working so hard on me right now, and I am learning and leaning so much. It is wonderful.
So this is the weekend, may it be the one!!!

So out of the loop!

2009-05-29T07:44:00.001-07:00

Hello!
So here is the new May/June timeline ....
May 24th CD1 (this is the day my horrific uterus revolted against me :)
May 26th- 30th Second round of Clomid, increased to 100 mg a day!
June 3rd-10th When all the magic happens :)
June 13th CD21, when we should get the blood-draw to see if it worked ... but that is a Sat :(
June 15th Blood Draw Day!!!

Really excited, really hopeful, really pumped about round 2. :) Statistically, most women DO ovulate when increased to 100 mg. That is super exciting!!!

I also found out this week that I will be graduating from Belmont in December 2010 :) Only 31 more semester hours for me!!!
And we have found a couple of BEAUTIFUL homes we are considering ... we are saving like crazy people right now and are praying to be buying our first home in October!!

Big times for the Clark's!

A long weekend ...

2009-05-20T13:42:00.000-07:00

Was just what the Dr. ordered! I am done with the round of hormones to induce the cycle and boy am I glad. Now I just have to wait for it to happen!
Why is waiting so hard? I am so tired of the unknown. Chad and I both feel that though we are still on track, the fact that this one did not come like the others makes us feel like something is wrong with the cycle before it even begins. Such a negative outlook! We are working on it, I guess everyone just thinks it is going to happen the first time they try.
So today I am looking ahead with a grin on my face, things are fine. I am going to be just fine :)

I just made the call ...

2009-05-15T08:30:00.000-07:00

That I did NOT want to make. The "I think I need to take the medicine." call.
Oh well. Yes, it sucks. No, I am not looking forward to it. But it is just one more step to take to get where I need to be.
I will not, however, start it over the weekend! I will wait until Monday to be crazy Kristin. Or Tuesday. :)
So this weekend we are going to our favorite place, the cabins at Edgar Evins. We are taking mom and dad to celebrate mom's birthday, so it is going to be FUN! I am looking forward to some time with nature, my love, and my parents.

Dollops of Hope

2009-05-14T15:49:00.000-07:00

So honesty, eh?
Here is a healthy dose of honesty. You know what is really hard? Having trouble getting pregnant and EVERYWHERE around you are babies and pregnant chicks! Do not get me wrong, I am loving all of my pregnant friends and all of your babies, but it is still the take-your-breath-away moment when I learn of some one's new baby. It stings, but thankfully my happiness comes into play quickly.
So at first, when I realized 13 (yes, 13) people around me are pregnant and there are new babies everywhere, I was saying to God, "REALLY?! Babies? Really?! This is what I need right now?!" So today, after learning of a new baby on the way and seeing my great friend Kristen who is literally walking around in labor, something hit me. These pregnancies and babies may be challenges, or they may be hope. Perhaps God is surrounding me with this to give me little glimmers of hope and excitement! Why else? He loves me, gosh darn it, He is not trying to hurt me! Goodness!
So instead of feeling down, my outward smile now matches the one in my heart. So bring it on, preggo girls, I need that dose of hope whenever I can get it!

Just standing :)

2009-05-14T11:45:00.000-07:00

A blog-world friend just commented on the entry right below this one, and knocked my socks off.

Just stand. Stand in the word, trust the word. In my current bible study, I was confronted with scripture from Psalm 34, "Happy is the person who trusts in Him." As huge as that one is right now, this one got me even more. "The Lord hears good people when they cry out to Him, and He saves them from all their troubles." I need to remember, even when I am irritated, that He is there, listening, waiting, and ready to save me again if I will just trust.

So as for an update, we are still waiting for cycle day 1. Waiting, waiting, waiting. If it does not come today or tomorrow, I will go on a very emotionally difficult medication to force it. Then we have day one and we start the next round of Clomid on day 3. So that is that for now!

Just breathe!

2009-05-12T17:40:00.000-07:00

I had a very good friend ask me tonight why I had stalled in the blogging. I think it is the same reasoning I have kind of stalled at life! I am slightly bitter.
I am sad to say that, because I honestly do not have the right to be bitter. IT did not work for me for one month, others have experienced years of disappointment.
So, this evening, I begin again.
Tomorrow morning I blog, I share, and I enjoy as much if it all as I can!
What do you do when you need to get life back in control??

And I rest.

2009-05-01T15:14:00.000-07:00

I am in my big fluffy bed, in my favorite pj's, with my laptop. And I have been here since 3:30, resting, crying, and praying.
Needless to say, the blood work did not come back like we wanted. I did not ovulate, so there is no possibility of tiny little maybe baby. The only way to describe it is I feel kind of like there were holes drained into the bottom of my feet and all my hope was drained out. Kinda empty and lonely.
The answer? I will take 2x's the clomid when my cycle starts. It is really scary to think it might not work ... if it does not take in 6 months it won't and I cannot continue talking it.
So, yeah.
Back to my attempt at mindlessness.

Holding steady ...

2009-04-27T14:37:00.000-07:00

So the temperature is holding steady, and that is pretty great news. Not as high as we would hope, but it is higher than the regular so good news!
Chad and I both had a peaceful easy feeling about this. We believe in our hearts we are pregnant. Truthfully, he more than I ... but I know it has to be. The timing has been perfect, the events that should have happened have happened, and we are rounding the corner of progress.
I know these may be the longest days ahead of us, lots of waiting and not a lot of information. We are just praying for this little "maybe-baby" (yes, we named it that!) and believing it will stick around and become a part of us.
Sometimes it is just a good idea to give over to positive thinking, and knowing that goodness and light will prevail.

It peaked, IT PEAKED!

2009-04-24T07:14:00.000-07:00

YAHOO! I had a 1.2 degree peak this morning! That is super good ... super good.

This means if it hold steady I ovulated, and if it stays high I might be preggo!

Aside from the excitement of the peak and the hope of the ovulation and the dreams of the conception of our baby, I am totally relieved today to actually know IT WORKED! Even if we do not get preggo this month, the plans and the meds and the prayer WORKED! We have true undefined unrelentless hope. And gosh is that beautiful!

So, the loss of hope yesterday is just a testament to what the Lord can do for us ... I pick it up, He washes it away!

(picture not to scale, it is a dramazatation! heheeeheheeehe)

Go little egg GO!

2009-04-23T06:24:00.001-07:00

Okay, so here is the current deal-e-o.

I have had no temperature change, and I am feeling very crampy and irritable. I am sadly starting to lose hope for this cycle. I know for a fact not every woman ovulates on day 14 like clockwork, it is actually quite the opposite. Some go as long as day 20 before it happens. I just wanted to feel clockwork happen, and it seems to be working against me.
The craps feel like the past couple of months, so I am afraid they mean no baby. Not that a baby should have have happened yet. I AM SO TORN! So conflicted ... so using my brain instead of my heart today.
Please send me some peaceful prayers. I am totally giving this to the Lord, and I know every time I pick up these worries He is right there to wash them away. Every time. I am so thankful. I just need to go with the flow, but you know that is so hard for my little planner brain.

Waiting for my spike, waiting for my signs, waiting for my sanity! GO LITTLE EGG GO! We are all rooting for you! Just let go, be free, and enjoy the ride thru the falopian tube!!! Go tubing little egg!

A crazy dream ....

2009-04-21T07:50:00.001-07:00

So last night, I had my first baby dream in a long time.
I dreamed of my baby ... well, my babies! We had twin boys, and they were so sweet! I remember in the dream having one of the two with me all the time, and Chad had the other. It was like we separated them so we could both have one all the time! I remember snips and pieces of the dream, and one moment that keeps jumping in my head was one of my little baby boys waking up from a nap, and I walked into the darkened room to retrieve him from the crib and his face lit up into a giant excited smile and he squealed, "Mama!"
It was a beautiful moment. As Chad was getting up i was still asleep, and he spoke to me (good morning or something) and I just grinned and said, "I am dreaming of our babies, twin boys ..." and at that moment I realized it was only a dream. I was stung with sadness as I woke up, but the morning has brought be hope and excitement.

I would like to say I am not hoping for or anticipating twins, this was the first time it had ever entered my mind, really! Secondly I have been praying so much about and for this baby, it makes sense it has taken over my dreams. I know it was just a dream, but it was a beautiful one :)

T-minus 2 days until ovulation, if it has not happened already! No temperature spike yet, but yesterday I had some dull cramps in my left side ... here is to hoping :)

The week has begun ...

2009-04-20T11:19:00.000-07:00

And I am feeling okay!
I am really tired. I am hoping that is a result of my body doing new stuff! I am also hoping that it passes, because, well, this is not the week to be tired. HA!
So here is to Thursday, or any day now, really. The math says Thursday but we all know that is unreliable! I am waiting for some one sided cramps, a temperature spike, and getting this show on the ROAD!

Clomid is Over!

2009-04-17T09:14:00.000-07:00

Last night when I got home from class I took my last Clomid for this month! I made a promise to myself that when I took the last pill, the worrying and stressing had to go with it. I know this is not going to be a productive next week if I go into it anxious!
So now is when the magic happens ... somewhere between yesterday and the end of next week, I should release a tiny little egg! And that tiny little egg will be viable for 12-36 hours, and that's it. That is our window.
When I tell people those facts, most everyone says, "Then how are there accidents?!?" Great question. Timing is everything ... and really can't we agree there are not really accidents anyway? Okay, perhaps that was a little too deep! Anyway, it is a magical situation that God has His hands all over, and if it is His will it will happen.

My newest prayer right now is "Help me to pray more, love more, and worry less."
That just about sums up the next few weeks for me!

Also I have a a new date for the time line ... we go in for our first blood draw Thursday April 30th at 8:30 am!

A Total Update!

2009-04-16T08:02:00.000-07:00

So... I owe some of you a story here, and I have finally taken the time to get it to you!
As many of you know, I have been blogging for many months about life, and weight loss,
and anything else I can think of. Life has taken a pretty swift turn, and I have a great feeling about it.
If you did not get it from the title, we are trying for tiny baby Clark-Clark! After a year of addressing my health and my weight, we are ready. We have started seeing a wonderful new Dr. here in Nashville that is 100% behind us, and we are off to the races!

Here is the current time line:
March 27th: saw Dr. Hirsch, began prenatal's and folic acid daily.
After this visit ensued the longest wait of my LIFE to see if we were magically pregnant before starting any fertility med.'s ... big no ...
April 10th: First day of cycle
Thank you LORD it finally came. Those of you in the inner circles of my texting, thank you for bearing with the utter frustration!
April 12th: started 50 mg of Clomid for 5 days
This medication will force ovulation. Hopefully. Part of PCOS is not ovulating on your own, so this is the first line of fertility medications to make it happen!
April 16th: Last day of Clomid
It really has not been that bad, just tiring and woosy feeling!
April 20th-25th: Optimum Conception time!
I should ovulate on April 23rd
April 30th: Go in for blood work
If I did ovulate, my progesterone level will reflect it. If I did, we hope the level is high enough to encourage the baby if we did conceive. If it is not high enough, they can supplement with a medication to make it stick! If we did not ovulate, we wait for the next cycle and go for 100mg of Clomid.

So there is the time line! Our Dr. is confident, and many many women actually conceive on the very first round of this medication. To clear up a nasty rumor, the possibility for multiples (shudder!) are only 9%, and as out Dr. put it that is a 91% chance of a single birth :)

Now that the story is out there for the inter-webs to read, I hope it brings you into the loop! As you know, Chad and I believe that God is the leader of this journey, and prayer is the best thing we can all do. I plan to use this blog to chat out the ups and downs of it all! I look forward to your comments and sharing this journey with you!

Love,
the hopeful mom

My 100th blog!

2009-02-10T07:48:00.000-08:00

Well, I have not really "stuck with it" on this particular blog, the weight loss journey has taken me over and I only post on my journey blog now!
So in honor of my 100th post on this blog, I am going to compose a list of 100 things I want to do and mark them off as I go! I am going to post the list as an edit to this one soon, please comment if you have some ideas for me!